All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
