So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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