wanna go halves on a baby?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
