you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
dude. I can hear the air.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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