Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
