I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
