I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
