i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
