I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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