oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
