my vag is so smooth its legendary
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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