in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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