I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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