you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
