go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Drake has all the answers
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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