It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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