people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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