you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize