i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I want a musical about memes.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
