I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
