I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
