just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
