The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
