I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
