so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
