Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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