Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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