6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
its not stalking. its research.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
