a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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