i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize