Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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