why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
