Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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