I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
