Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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