just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Randomize
