Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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