I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
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It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
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I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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