i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
