omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
