It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
this boner is exhausting
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
