it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize