just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
