i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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