I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
