hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
