You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
