My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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