I didn't shave. On purpose
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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