That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
