Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My bed smells like the plague
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
