well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
