I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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