hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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