Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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