Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
