drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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