First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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