I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
