How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am spending my child support on dildos
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize