oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
