i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
