So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
