how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
