hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
