Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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